


An Enemy is Anyone an Armadillo Names

by alfa33333, Quinn4Eurovision2018



Series: Into the Badlands: WTF just happened? [2]
Category: Into the Badlands (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, BDSM Scene, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Parody, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-06-18 22:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15496542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alfa33333/pseuds/alfa33333, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinn4Eurovision2018/pseuds/Quinn4Eurovision2018
Summary: Sunny is missing, taken by Black Lotus. Quinn is reunited with Henry and sets his eyes on taking back his homeland. Pilgrim struggles with his new gifts. Bajie comes to terms with the death of M.K. Gaius deals with non-con. All round chaos as usual in the Badlands. Slight Alternative ending to season 3.





	1. Chamber of the Shit

An Enemy is Anyone an Armadillo Names

Prologue

Quinn inhaled the fresh air with great pleasure after climbing out of Pilgrim's bunker. Henry was still semi-conscious. Castor followed them close behind. Nix unchained Bajie and they both emerged from the bunker moments later. Pilgrim's workers stared at the misfit party, watching and waiting for news of their master. The towers were complete. Pilgrim had promised that salvation was nigh, but where was it? Meanwhile, Pilgrim had passed out from the pain of his new, unexpected gift. Cressida tried to comfort him. She held back tears and held her arm to her nose in an attempt to block out the smell. Deep down she wanted to escape the hell hole.

The sun was starting to rise. Quinn stopped walking. He growled, handed Henry to Castor, and took something out of his pocket. It was sun cream. 'Here Castor boy. Put this on.' Castor obeyed. He obeyed Quinn's every command. Nix and Bajie caught up to them.

'Castor! I can't believe you're alive! How is it possible?!' Nix squeaked.

'Eh. Well... am,' castor hesitated.

'CRAZY ARMADILLO HIMSELF!' Bajie barged passed the reunited lovers to introduce himself to Quinn.

'And who might you be?' Quinn raised an eyebrow and sniffed.

'I'm Bajie. Honour to meet you sir!'

'I smell Sunny off you. Hmmm. Why do I smell him?'' a fang protruded on his left bottom lip. He took Henry back into his arms.

'Oh shit! That's how you're alive! Sunny never mentioned you weren't human!' Bajie glanced over at the undead Castor and the sun cream before settling on Quinn's fangs.

'You know him? You know my precious Sunny?' Quinn moved closer to Bajie.

'ya. We're best pals...' Bajie stepped back feeling unsettled, 'met him in the mines. Been together since!'

'I sense more than friendship... Hmmm?'

'well... No... I mean... it's complicated. But no... he misses you though. Dreams about you a lot...'

'Do you know where he is?'

'not really. I mean black lotus guys have him. Where I don't know... But I know someone who might, but she's more likely to kill me than give me info!'

'Good... hmmm... Bring me to her... IMMEDIATELY!'

'so ya... I drink blood now,' Castor sheepishly sighed and looked at the ground.

'Like Cressida?' Nix asked.

'No... I need it to survive. Eh...'

'He's a vampire, Nix. All Quinn's men are vamps,' Bajie explained.

'I must say,' Quinn interrupted, 'That Pilgrim fellow was quite the disappointment. All that killing... building... manipulation... and now... Well. I guess justice is justice.'

'Why didn't you just kill him right now?' Bajie asked.

'Hmmm. Naw, you see Bajie baby, its funnier this way,' Quinn grinned, his fangs hidden once more, 'Plus he ain't gonna die a martyr... he got what he deserved. His followers will soon know just how full of shit he truly is.'

'HAHAHAHA! THAT'S BRILLIANT! Gosh. I miss someone having a sense of humour round here. Why the duck did Sunny even want to run away from you? Haha!You're so fucking creepy, but I'm drawn to you. Ha!'

'Silly boys have silly notions. Isn't that right Henry baby?' Quinn rubbed Henry's face. Henry fussed and cried a little then settled. He stared up into Quinn's dark eyes. Quinn smiled. Henry's eyes lit up, he kicked his legs with joy, 'DADDY!'

...

Sunny woke up on a steal table. He was naked and bruised and in total darkness. It was freezing. He found the edge of the table and placed his feet on the floor. Someone was watching. 'Hello??' Sunny asked. He got no reply and began to feel around the room until his right foot hit something hard and tripped him up. He face smashed against the floor. He groaned Suddenly the lights turned on, blinding him revealing that the room was padded white. A voice could be heard but, nobody seen, 'Hello my child. Welcome home.'

...

Cressida's tears fell on Pilgrim's face. 'Find him... FIND HIM!!' Pilgrim cried, 'You have to... find him... Fix this!!' 

'Find who? Sunny?' Cressida asked calmly.

'No! The master who did this to me! He plotted my downfall from the moment we met! Find him!!'

'You did this to yourself!! You did not wait for Sunny!'

'DAMN YOU!!' Pilgrim growled, 'That creature knew what he was doing! He probably had Sunny kidnapped despite me!' He tried to stand. His tummy rumbled and unleashed its power once more, 'AHHRHHHGHHH!!'

'Save your strength, Pilgrim. Save your strength.'

'How did he do it? How did that bastard know my plans?? HOW?? I AM A GOD!!!'

'Hush now. Hush now,' Cressida stood up and towered over Pilgrim. She picked up the sword lying on the ground. She looked down at him. He was so weak and pathetic. Her own plans were completely ruined now. She had a decision to make. 'Hush now...' She glanced at the sword and at Pilgrim's neck. She could end it all now. Start anew. Pilgrim cried out in pain once more. The stench was growing strong again. Cressida dropped the sword. There had to be another way. She climbed out of the bunker. The workers were still lined up and awaiting instruction. Cressida sighed. They could not know the truth. She closed the entrance to the bunker tightly, blocking out the sound of Pilgrim's screams from below. 

(Part of the Rise of the Bonnacon Series)


	2. The Truth Will Not Set You Free

Sunny sat at a table. A bowl of soup lay before him. He devoured it gladly. Black Lotus men formed a circle around him in the darkness. He was so hungry, he didn't ask questions. A small candle illuminated the room. A woman approached. The men made a parting for her to pass the circle. She sat opposite Sunny looking concerned. "Sanzo. We need to talk."

..

Henry was a much happier baby now that his gifts were gone. Indeed, he had more willing diaper duty participants. He grabbed at Quinn's beard. Quinn grinned, "now now, Henry baby, that's sacred. Didn't your father teach you anything? "

"We're here!" Bajie shouted from the front of the bus.

"Hmm, that didn't take too long," Quinn stood up as the bus stopped. He handed Henry to Bajie and jumped off the bus. The monastery loomed above him. Bajie then stepped off the bus followed by Castor and Nix. Quinn stretched as the sun began to fade behind the hills. He closed his eyes and admired the sound of the waterfall behind him. His eyes snapped opened as he heard the sounds of shouting and screams, 'What?' Castor heard it too. Quinn stalked quickly around the side of the monastery. The others followed.

'Bitch! Give me back my gift!' Widow screamed.

'No. Not yet. You have not proved yourself!' the Master shouted back. The monks lined up either side of the snowy ridge waiting for something exciting to happen.

'Screw you!' Widow drew her swords and charged at the Master. The Master deflected and Widow faceplanted into a pile of snow. The Rage grew within her. She quickly rose, turned and shoved the Master on the ground. The abbots and novices cheered. Cyan remained silent. He knew it was a completely pointless exercise. The Master defended Widow's punches and quickly used her gift to send Widow flying into the crowd, knocking over several of the novices.

'Well, well, well, what have we here?' Quinn grinned. The Master turned to see Quinn and his crew looking on at the madness. Widow stood up and growled at the Master. She didn't even notice Quinn and ran at the Master once more. The Master quickly jumped to her feet and grabbed Widow by the neck, 'Stop! That is enough for now. We have visitors.'

'Fuck you!' Widowed snarled and looked at the newly arrived group, 'Quinn?' she gasped, 'WTF?'

The Master moved closer, 'Bajie! You bastard! You are brave to come here! Or incredibly stupid!'

'Woah! Paul! You know Bajie?' Quinn asked.

'Yes, unfortunately,' The Master answered.

'And you know the Master?' Bajie asked Quinn, 'You're name is Paul?'

'Is that Henry?!' the Master cried.

'Ya...' Bajie replied, 'How do you... Oh ya...'

'Give him to me at once!' the Master ran over and grabbed Henry.

'MAMMY!' Henry rejoiced.

'Oh my darling!' the Master had not felt such happiness in a long time.

'That's henry's mom?' Castor asked.

'No. She more of a... nevermind,' Bajie sighed as Widow approached.

'What the fuck is going on?' Widowed growled, 'Quinn, how are you alive? Bajie what the fuck did you do with my book, dumbass!'

'Ohh, sassy Widow, how I missed you,' Quinn grinned. Widow moved away as he tried to touch her.

'Ya, I fucked up big time, alright...' Bajie sighed again, 'Anyone have any idea where our pal Sunny is? Kinda need him to fix this shit up. Black Lotus took him, but I'm not sure where they hid out.'

'It is all my fault,' the Master hung her head in shame, 'He came to me. I should have told him to stay. To train him... but... I was selfish. I had my own plans, but... I screwed it up. I am sorry. I will gladly help find him and end Pilgrim once and for all.'

'Haven't you heard sweety,' Quinn smiled as he put his hand on the Master's shoulder, 'the bonnacon set a trap for him. We have plenty of time to find Sunny. Hell, Pilgrim may already have shit himself to death. Hehe... one can be but hopeful.'

'Bonnacon? What?' Widow felt like she had been left out of something rather important.

'HAAAYYYY! Guys and gals!' Gaius appeared in his true form, 'Castor! Aren't you just the cutest!' He pinched Castor's cheeks. Castor was confused and aroused at the same time.

'Who in the high hells are you?' Quinn was amused.

'That's White Peony, formerly known as Gaius Chau,' the Master informed all confused parties.

'Gaius?' Bajie asked, 'But you're so pretty!?'

'Sweety,' all were entranced except Quinn, 'Those shoes do not match that outfit!'

'WHAT?' Gaius cried out.

'Look at yourself. You're a mess! A disgrace to your family!'

'Why are you so mean?'

'Quinn! Leave him alone!' the Master snapped.

'Hideous even,' Quinn continued.

'GAAAHHH,' a light shone through Gaius unleashing his full power.

'There you go, much better. You'll reach your full potential yet.'

'Bitch! I know I'm sexy!'

..

'Who are you?' Sunny asked the mysterious woman sitting across the table from him.

'I am your sister, Kannin. Don't you remember me?'

'Eh... not really...'

'Hmmm... It worked a little too well then.'

'What did?'

'I will explain in good time.'

'How do I know you are telling the truth?'

'It does not matter. What matters is Pilgrim. We have to stop his psycho ass. Did you unlock the meridian chamber?'

'The what?'

'Okay... maybe not. Good. Then we have time.'

'No. He has my son! We have to get him back!'

'Shit. Does your son have your gift or the dark gift?'

'My gift? What is my gift?'

'Answer the question!'

'He has the black veiny thing and bad lactose intolerance.'

'Shit!'

'Yes... lots of it.'

'No. Fuck!'

'Eh?'

'Did Pilgrim take any of your blood?'

'I.. I don't know... He does a lot of weird shit.'

'FUUUCCCK!'

'What?'

'If he has your blood, and your kid, we are too late.'


	3. Seagul's Feather, Phoenix Blood

It had been three weeks since Pilgrim had been blessed with the gift of the Bonnacon. He was desperate to try his dark gift of Azra, but the effects of the Bonnacon’s gift meant he mostly remained in the shadows. Cressida worked hard to find a solution, a way to control the Bonnacon’s power. She spent two weeks mixing potions in her laboratory. With a few explosions and three evacuations of the fortress, she succeeded somewhat. It was not the ideal situation, but she had mixed a powerful potion that caused extreme constipation. It meant more pain for Pilgrim, but he could at least address his people. Of course, it was inevitable that Pilgrim would need to lose his firey bowels at some point. Cressida had chosen a select few from among the workers to construct a strong steal box. It had a hole on top for Pilgrim to sit on and a latch so that it could be emptied. Alas, even the strongest steal could only withstand a few days of such abuse. Pilgrim had organised a full scale production of the boxes. The unfortunate few who were tasked with emptying them often died from exposure. The rest were target practice for Pilgrim’s dark gift.   
Now that he was out in public, Pilgrim set his mind to world destruction again. He still needed to get rid of the Bonnacon power and destroy the Bonnacons themselves. But how? He was sitting on a podium in front of his people. His cloak covered the box. Cressida was by his side. He drank the constipation potion and he grinned, ‘My people! I have been absent for some time. Some of you have heard ugly rumours of illness or my demise. They are LIIIEESS! I am very much alive! Thanks to the great Catalyst and his son, I have grown in power.’ The crowd cheered in unison.   
‘Together we will bring Azra anew!!’ Pilgrim tried to stand up, but realised his mistake. His tummy rumbled. The pain made him double over. An acidic trail of faeces ran down his leg. He winched. Cressida looked worried. Some of the guards noticed the smell. Pilgrim sat back down and settled. A smile shot across his face. He had plan. Nobody would be able to stop him.  
..  
-At the Monastery-  
Bajie stood outside the monastery holding Henry in his arms. There were tears in his eyes. He then stared up to the snowy heavens, ‘Hope you’re out there champ. Hope you can hear me…’  
‘Who you talking about?’ Widow appeared, ‘Why are you crying?? You always were so pathetic.’  
‘Shut up, you crazy bitch! You have no idea what’s going on!! You wouldn’t fucking care anyway!’   
‘Foooocccckkk,’ Henry copied.  
‘That’s probably true,’ Widow replied and turned to leave.  
‘It’s M.K.’ Bajie started to cry harder, ‘He’s dead! Pilgrim killed him!’  
‘WHAT??? That sexy bastard killed M.K.?? Our son?! How?? WHY???’  
‘He wanted to unlock Sunny’s gift. He needed a dark one to do it…’  
‘Sunny has the gift?? Shit… How did I not know that??’  
‘No… It’s still locked, well, shit, I don’t know what those Black Lotus guys have done to him.’  
‘Henry… Does he have the gift??’  
‘Easy there tiger!’ Bajie moved away as Widow sprung towards Henry, ‘He’s off limits. Also, Pilgrim stole his gift, so he’s normal now.’  
‘Hmmm. What else have I missed??’  
Meanwhile at the Monastery, the Master was finding Castor quite amusing. A vampire with the gift. Quinn tried to seduce the Master on several occasions but failed. Nix was confused by everything, but found a new friend in Cyan. In all the distraction, nobody noticed that Gaius had run away as he could no longer take Quinn’s insults or being ignored.  
..  
-Monastery of the Bonnacon-  
Master Tarbh collapsed on the floor. Tonacáin ran to his side, ‘Master Abbot! What is wrong?? Should I get the medic!??’  
‘No, sweet boy, I will be fine. Fetch Fergus for me,’ Tarbh replied meekly.  
‘I can’t leave you like this!!’   
‘Go!’   
Tonacáin ran to find Fergus. Tarbh lay in near complete darkness before the status of the mighty Bonnacon. He was weak, but knew the time had come. Pilgrim was a much bigger threat than he thought. Or rather the woman helping him was… That was it! She must have found a way to slow the effects of the Bonnacon gift.   
‘Master!’ Fergus appeared in the room, out of breath.  
‘Ah, Fergus… It is time.’  
‘Time Master Tarbh?’  
‘We must find our brother in spirit... He is in hiding,’ Tarbh’s breathing was laboured.  
‘Who?? I don’t understand!’ he knelt over Tarbh.  
‘Think Fergus, Think!! Who does…. the most… for our cause?’  
‘I… I don’t know…’  
‘Think boy! All those people blessed by the Bonnacon… they… they think it an illness that must be stopped. They know nothing… of its grace!!’  
‘What is going on?’ Tonacáin piped up.  
‘Youngling,’ Tarbh grinned, ‘Do you like ice-cream?’  
‘What???’ Fergus thought his master was going crazy.  
‘Ohhhhh…’ Tonacáin understood, ‘lactose intolerance. My parents though I had that.’  
‘Eh?’ Fergus was confused.  
‘Find the Baron of Ice-cream…’ Tarbh’s ancient eyes began to close.  
‘What? He’s dead! Quinn killed him!’ Fergus roared as Tarbh breathed his last.   
‘No,’ Bríd stood in the doorway, ‘I rescued him and kept him hidden. Come, we have a job to do.’  
..  
Pilgrim sat by his large desk. It was his plotting desk. Cressida knew when he was by it, he was about to do something stupid.   
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.   
‘Hehehe,’ Pilgrim giggled. He had a feather in one hand and the vile with a few drops of Sunny’s blood in it.   
‘Pilgrim!!’   
‘Oh Cressida, I have a great plan… I will soon be a god. Those Bonnacons tried to destroy me, but they underestimated me.’  
‘What is it? This plan of yours?’  
‘You will see…’  
There was a knock on the door. Two guards entered with a large man in cuffs and a hood over his head.  
‘Get off of me, you bastards!’ the obese figure yelled, ‘I can fucking smell you, you filthy…OUCH!!’ The guards punched him.  
‘Such a foul mouth… Thank you men. You may leave, ’ Pilgrim grinned. He motioned for the men to remove the hood.  
‘Fuck… you…!’ the figure shouted.  
‘Who is this creature??’ Cressida asked in fear.  
‘Meet Seagul. The one who will fix my… eh… problem,’ Pilgrim looked more menacing than ever.   
‘The hell I will!!’ Seagul screamed.   
‘I don’t understand…’ Cressida backed away. More guards entered the room with a rolled up rug. They dropped it on the ground and left. There was a weird smell from the rug, though nothing like what came from Pilgrim’s ass. It was almost a welcomed relief.  
‘Seagul here,’ Pilgrim stood up. His bowels flooded opened. He did not care. Cressida covered her mouth.   
‘HOOOLLY Shit!!!’ Seagul would have died if he was not already the living dead.  
‘Seagul here,’ Pilgrim grew annoyed by the insult, ‘Specialises in resurrection.’  
‘What? Who will we resurrect? And more importantly why??’ Cressida whined.  
‘Think about it you idiot!’   
‘You are the fool who got us into this mess!’ Cressida thought about stabbing Pilgrim to death. He had become so much more of an asshole in recent times. It was like he forgot everything she did for him. She looked at the rug. The smell made sense now, ‘Oh Pilgrim no… Not like this!!’  
‘Yes, shut up bitch! It will be like this!! This is beautiful!! I AM YOUR GOD!! DO NOT QUESTION ME AGAIN!!’  
‘DUDE!’ Seagul interjected, ‘Why are you being such a dick? If I was that lady, I would have dropped your ass a long time ago, you piece of shit!’   
‘AAAHH!’ Pilgrim charged at Seagul.   
Seagul’s fangs emerged, ‘Try it bitch!!’   
Pilgrim calmed down again, ‘Sorry Cressida… It was a fart. It was trapped. I feel better now. AS I was saying. Seagul here will resurrect this sorry soul for us. I will then use the final drops of Sunny’s blood to transfer the Bonnacon gift to him.’  
‘How do you know it will work?’ Cressida asked.  
‘Because it has been foretold.’   
‘By who???’  
‘See for yourself.’  
Cressida moved closer to the rug and began to unroll it, ‘NO! It cannot be!’  
‘Yes… YES!! YEEESS!!!’ Pilgrim laughed.   
‘Oh ffs…’  
M.K’s rotten corpse lay upon the rug.


	4. Cold Ice Strikes Naughty Dragon Hands

(Welcome back to Alfa33333)

Pilgrim was glad. He has all the tools he required for the rebuild of Azra to his liking. Meanwhile Cressida had ordered the body of M.K. out of sight for now. She was still surprised at the beginning, thinking that Pilgrim's plan involved some necrophilia when she saw the corpse, which made her think twice the plan, but the idea was washed away when Pilgrim explained how Seagul was going to bring MK back and prove his new godly gained powers with it. Despite of this, it was not a comfortable site for her and preferred to keep it away from her eyes for the moment.  
…

Fergus and Tonacáin were protected by the shadows of the night and they had a short time to prepare their infiltration. They were barely able to pass the guards of Pilgrim's fortress, but they were able to find quick refuge under the big bushes. They have a plan in progress, and it needed to be finished soon or Pilgrim would become unstoppable.   
Fergus addressed Tonacáin while pointing the main building.  
"We need to find the room where they have MK’s body hidden. If we get rid of it we will have enough time to prepare the attack against pilgrim."  
"Do we have enough time for that?" Tonacáin asked, "We could find the torture chamber and be trapped there if we are not careful."  
"Do not worry, I was able to get information from one of the Pilgrim Zombies, and Cressida hid the body away from them, so it is in one of the storage rooms in the lower floor. This will reduce our search."  
They waited for the guard rotation to move and were able to infiltrate the main building to start their search.  
…

The monastery was quiet at this time of the night. Bajie was walking and remembering his better time early in his life. Widow approached to him asking about Gaius.  
"Have you seen that shirtless bastard around?"  
"No, I think he was pegged to dead by Quinn and ran away early on the day, but do not worry. He will come back at some point."  
Widow left his side. And ran to the outside.  
The cries of Henry broke Bajie from his trance, and returned to the room, "I will take care of him until you are back champ."  
…

Early the same day, no one would have thought that Sunny was closer than they thought. He woke up to a hooded figure who was leaving some water next to him.   
"Who are you…"  
The hood figure apply a pinch to him, and Sunny when back to sleep, "Do not worry young one, you will be fine. Here you are safe of the Black Lotus for now just rest. I have something to do."  
…

Seagul was cleaning his pegging tools as he was getting ready to bring back MK back from the dead, he was exited and had in his mind to get the revenge against that bitch Quinn as no one leaves him alone at the altar. He was a vengeful ex-girlfriend and was ready to prove it with actions. He was so absorbed by his thoughts that did not noticed the two shadows moving in direction of the storage room where the rotten body of MK was hidden.  
Tonacáin and Fergus hastened to the room that they were sure contained the body. There was a particular smell they could sense, and not only Pilgrim Bonnacon aroma, but only the normal stink of a corpse. They well trained by the Bonnacon and were able to distinguish them.   
Fergus extended his hand to the handle of the room and confirmed that no one was watching.  
"This is the room, now be prepared. Once we get the corpse we need to exit as quickly as possible. Pilgrim cannot know we were here."  
He opened the door, but to their surprise the room looked empty. Nothing was there except a rug on the floor. They were completely puzzled. All their effort was in vain if they had gotten to the wrong room.   
"Damn it! The bastard must have just keep it with him! Damn Pervert!"  
Tonacáin pulled Fergus sleeve and pointed to the window of the room, which was weird for a storage, but we are resurrecting corpses so this storage has a window. There was a hooded figure carrying the disgusting corpse of MK before throwing it outside. Because this window led to the sea.  
"What are you doing!" Fergus rushed to the figure, but he already threw the corpse outside, and looked back to them. The wind lifted the hood and they recognized him.  
"Chocolate! The Baron of Ice cream!"  
"Sorry guys, but I am in a hurry, we will catch up later."  
Then he jumped. Fergus tried to follow, but when preparing to jump, he slipped and ended hanging, for his surprise the window led to a cliff. He gazed at how Chocolate was leaving with small boat to shore carrying MK’s corpse.  
Tonacáin thought… Cliffhanger!


	5. The Breckinridge and the Butterfly

(WARNING. NON-CON BDSM AHEAD Probably best for everyone to skip this one)

Gaius woke. His head was spinning. He did not recognise his surroundings. It was bright, colourful, tacky, and out of focus. Carnival music played in the background. Gaius struggled to move and discovered he was tied to a wheel. He was shirtless. That was normal, but to his horror, he discovered he was wearing hideous tight black latex pants.   
‘WHAT MONSTER HAS DONE THIS TO ME??’ he screamed. The wheel turned a little as he battled against it for his freedom. He failed.   
‘Well hello there, Gaius,’ a voice appear from behind red curtains, ‘It has been a long time, my love.’  
‘Who are you??’ Gaius tried to focus on the hooded figure moving towards him.  
‘Oh, you know exactly who I am, my love.’

..  
(Somewhere north of the Badlands)

Meanwhile Sunny was having a somewhat similar experience. He too woke in an unfamiliar environment, but this time with clothes. He was in a nice soft bed. A welcomed change. A woman sat on a chair beside him though her face was slightly obscured through a red veil.  
‘What? Where am I?’ Sunny asked.  
‘Sunny, I need your help,’ she replied.  
‘Who are you?’  
‘I rescued you from Black Lotus. You owe me something in return.’  
‘What? I didn’t need to be rescued, they were…’  
‘Don’t be stupid, Sunny. They were going to make you lead them to Pilgrim then kill you.’  
‘How do you know this? Who are you?’   
‘Shut up for a moment. We have a serious problem. You must help.’  
‘TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!!’ Sunny tried to leap forward but the chains held him back.   
‘Fine,’ the woman lifted her veil.  
‘Jade??!! WTF! I thought you were dead!!’  
‘No, I left… Quinn was too stoned at the time to kill me. Widow thought I was too weak to be a threat, so here I am.’  
‘Okay… What do you need me for? I am done serving barons!’  
‘No, it is nothing like that… It is much more serious.’  
‘What is it then? I need to get back to Henry soon!’  
‘There is a serial killer pegger on the loose.’  
‘A what?’  
‘A person is kills men by using… nevermind. A person is kills lots of men.’  
‘A clipper???’  
‘No. This is sexual… I have been hunting this rapist for some time now but, I have not been able to stop him or her.’  
‘Oh… Are you like Tilda now? Killing rapists?’  
‘I guess so. But I need your help with this one. I cannot lure this one out by myself.’  
‘What am I to do?’   
‘Come with me.’

…  
(At the carnival of disgust)

Gaius squirmed as the large round greasy figure moved towards him. He could smell the bad breath from feet away.   
‘Omg… when is the last time you washed??’ Gaius nearly vomited.  
‘Shhhhhhh. I am all natural. Just how you like it,’ the figure chuckled.   
‘Get away from me!’  
‘Don’t you recognise me?’  
‘No! Stop playing games and let me go!!’   
‘Oh, no, honey bunny, the games have just begun,’ the figure pull a large dildo from the sleeve and grinned.  
‘NO! NO!’   
‘Oh yes, baby. You will love it. I stole it from Widow. If it is good enough for her, it is good enough for you.’  
‘Please!! Anything but that!!’  
‘Tell me you love me.’  
‘No! I don’t even know who you are.’  
‘TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!’ the creature breathed on Gaius’ neck.  
‘I’m going to vomit on you. You are disgusting!’  
‘Fine,’ the figure produced a whip and hit Gaius across the chest four times. He cried. His beautiful flesh torn. 

‘Please! What do you want from me?!!’  
‘For you to remember me,’ a filthy finger ran down Gaius’ face tracing the line down his chest and stopping at this crotch.   
‘Why? Why am I going to die like this??’ Gaius cried.  
‘It is your own fault! You are too sexy! You run around shirtless and blame others for desiring you! It is your fault! Then you deny us what we desire! You deserve to be punished!!’ the figure spun the wheel. The colours in the room became a mess of lines to Gaius as he struggled to make sense of what was happening. Then the wheel jolted to a stop. The figure took advantage of disoriented Gaius and kissed him. The sudden intrusion of a slimey tongue amidst the dizziness made Gaius’s stomach spill forth its contents. The figure retracted in horror slapping Gaius across the face. 

‘You call me disgusting!!’ it growled.   
‘Ugh,’ Gaius tried to find his baring. The room was still spinning.   
‘No, matter,’ the figure removed her hood.   
‘You!!’ Gaius knew her from somewhere...  
‘Yes. ME!!’   
‘I’… ‘Your face… I know your bad skin anywhere! Myra fartface!’  
‘Ahh!’ she whipped him twice more then stopped, ‘At least you remember me now.’  
‘Fuck you!’ Gaius screamed in her ear.  
‘That is the point my love. You never fucked me! You fucked every other woman who entered the Chau house, but not me! WHYY?? Even my grandmother spent a night with you!! You are a filthy whore!!’  
‘Ugh!! I hated you then and I hate you now! Incels are the worst!’  
‘I am not an incel!! That that back!’   
‘You bitch that I won’t sleep with you. Then bitch that I am a whore. INCEL!’  
‘GRRR!’ Myra drew a knife from her pocket, ‘You are a whore. Now you are my whore!’  
‘NO! NO!!’  
‘I liked all those picture of yourself you stuck to the walls and trees. That was me! I left those comments of admiration! I love you. I love you more than the sluts you sleep with. They only want you for your body!’ she rested the knife above Gaius’ waist band.  
‘And that makes you different how? You don’t know anything about me! You only want me for my body!! You psycho bitch!’  
‘Let’s see how much you like things rammed up your ass, my love. I was going to be nice and use lube, but you continue to insult me, so…’ 

The knife slit the latex trousers open. With his legs and arms bound, and a knife to his genitals, Gaius was at Myra’s mercy. She grinned and licked the dildo. Gaius prayed that her stinking breath would linger long enough for him to pass out. He did not. His screams made all the birds in a two mile radius scatter into the night’s sky.

…  
(at Pilgrim’s fortress)

‘Pilgrim!!’ one of the guards ran to him chamber, ‘Someone is taking the body!’   
‘What??’ Pilgrim rose up and quickly ran out the entrance of the fort. Cressida followed behind. The Baron of Icecream was almost to the other side of the lake. Pilgrim ordered his men after him. The Baron turned. He drew ice pops from his sleeve and threw them as knives towards the oncoming soldiers. The sharp ice slit their throats. They collapsed into the water.  
‘BASTARDS!!’ Pilgrim shouted and ran other the lake. He let the darkness build inside him as he trudged through the lake. Nobody was going to take M.K. from him like that. Nobody! His eyes turned black. The power caused a mini whirlpool. Icecream frowned then grinned. Pilgrim was mid way through manic laughter when something cold and wet hit him between the eyes. He froze, unable to think or to move. Vanilla ice-cream dripped down his face. The cone dropped into the lake followed by Pilgrim’s face.  
‘Brain freeze!’ Icecream giggled and disappeared with M.K.’s corpse into the forest.   
Pilgrim’s men continued to pile into the lake. It was a mistake. The newly relaxed Pilgrim let loose the gift of the Bonnacon, killing all of them instantly. Cressida watched in tears from the shore. The water bubbled as the stench rose. 

…  
(At the carnival)  
Gaius was now semi-conscious. Myra had got what she wanted. Almost. She slapped him across the face once more. He groaned.   
‘You liked that didn’t you! You slipped your seed all over me. I made you do that! ME! You big slut!’   
‘Adh cuds fhk…’ he could not speak properly.   
‘You are right. I am a selfish lover,’ she removed the dildo from his ass with a plop sound and disappeared momentarily. Gaius thought his nightmare was over. He was wrong. She returned with a katana.   
‘NO! NO NO!!!!’ Gaius roared.   
‘Don’t worry. I will lube this one.’ 

Sunny and Jade moved closer to the tent. The heard screams coming from inside.  
‘I am sure it is just sound effects,’ Jade tried to reassure Sunny. He frowned. They slowly pulled back the curtain and moved quickly inside. Myra noticed the unwelcomed guests. Sunny drew his sword, one Jade had given him. ‘Shit,’ Myra whispered and ran. Sunny was going to run after her, but Jade stopped him.   
‘No, Sunny. Help me with him,’ she pointed to the battered naked body on the wheel.   
Sunny moved closer to it, ‘Holy shit. It’s Gaius Chau.’  
‘Who?’ Jade asked.  
‘Chau’s younger brother. He is so beautiful…’ Sunny almost succumbed to lust.   
‘Is he breathing?’ Jade asked.   
‘Eh?’ Sunny snapped out of his day dream to check for a pulse, ‘No… no he’s not.’  
‘Hmmm,’ Jade dropped her bag on the ground and began to search in it. Sunny examined Gaius’ corpse. It was a great sadness. He mourned what could have been…  
‘Take the sword out of his ass,’ Jade instructed.   
‘What?’   
‘The sword, up his ass. Take it out!’  
‘Okay…’ Sunny did as instructed. Blood followed after.   
‘Stand back,’ Jade ordered. She held a large jar of green slime.   
‘What is that??’  
‘The slime of life. I stole it from Quinn. Ankaldo helped me perfect the recipe.’  
‘Em??’  
‘Shut up and let me do my job,’ she opened the jar and threw it all over Gaius, ‘Now kiss him.’  
‘What?’ Sunny grew embarrassed.   
‘KISS HIM!!’   
‘Okay.’ As Sunny’s lips touched Gaius’ it was as though a great fireworks display had begun. Jade pulled Sunny of Gaius. Gaius took a deep breath.   
‘Tada!’ 

..  
(Near the Carnival)

Widow ran though the forest. She followed the screams. ‘I am near my love. I am near!!’   
It wasn’t long before she ran into Myra. Widow drew her sword, ‘where is he??’ She rammed Myra against a tree putting her sword to her throat.  
‘Don’t lie to me! I can smell him off you! Where is the shirtless bastard!’   
‘Please don’t hurt me!’ Myra pleaded playing meek.  
‘You might have others fooled but not me! You killed so many of my clippers! I thought it was Tilda but it was YOU!!’   
‘You’ll never find him,’ Myra cackled.   
‘That’s what you think!’ Widow’s eyes turned black.  
‘Oh shit!!’  
..  
(at the Carnival)

Gaius was now free. Jade handed him a towel. Although the slime brought him back to life, he was in great pain. He wanted to sit, but could not.   
‘Sorry I could not get here sooner,’ Jade apologised.   
‘You know each other?’ Sunny asked.  
‘Eh… yes…’ Jade blushed. Sunny was suddenly jealous and confused. Why was he upset that Gaius slept with Jade?? He focused his mind on thoughts of Henry. 

‘AHHHH!’ Myra screamed as Widow jumped down from the upper tent slamming Myra’s face into the ground.   
‘WTF??’ Sunny turned with his sword ready and saw blacked eyed Widow.  
‘Gaius! My love!’ Widow smiled, ‘You are alright!’  
‘Yes, Minerva, I’m fine.’  
‘Then we have no use for you anymore,’ Widow dragged Myra up and decapitated her.   
‘This is so fucked up,’ Sunny groaned and hoped that if he made a quick getaway, that black eyed Widow would not try to kill him, ‘Anyway, I’m off to get Henry back from Pilgrim.’ He slipped out of the tent before anyone could say anything else. 

‘Okay!’ Jade smiled, ‘that is another rapist dead. A good day’s work.’  
‘She was such an ugly person, inside and out,’ Gaius snarled and spit on Myra’s headless corpse.   
‘Hmmm,’ Minerva’s eyes had turned back to normal, ‘I should probably tell Sunny that Bajie has Henry.’ She ran out of the tent to look for him. He was gone.

Sunny was having a bad day. He had not made it far into the forest before something hit him on the head. He fell unconscious. He woke in a yoke, dragged along by Black Lotus. ‘Why?’


	6. Waldo’s Fang, Ankara’s Claw

-One month earlier-

Waldo sat in his half airplane turned house. A pigeon, named Mr. Snuggles, cooed as he perched on Waldo’s arm. Mr. Snuggle had a special place in Waldo’s heart. The bird’s parents had been killed and eaten by the Blind Cannibal Assassins.  
‘Who’s a handsome bird? Who’s a handsome bird?! You are! Yes… Coo Coo Coo’

…

Magnus trudged up the hill panting. Sweat dripped from his forehead. The Black Lotus uniform was not built for hill walking! He stopped to catch his breath and sat on a rock. The sun shone through the snow clouds. Magnus half regretted not sending one of the younger guys to do the job, but he knew he was the only one. This meeting was a long time coming. An eagle flew over the hill top signalling that Magnus’ destination was close. He sighed, stood up, and soldiered on. 

… 

Waldo was singing songs to Mr. Snuggles. It was a pleasant evening. Flames danced around a freshly placed log on the fire. It was smoky but, cosy. There was a knock on the door. It startled Waldo. ‘Shit!!’ he quickly stuffed Mr. Snuggles back into the birdcage and looked around for his Ankara wig. He hurriedly fixed the wig to his head and grabbed some terrible pink lipstick. The knocks came again, louder this time. ‘Oh, one minute please!’ Waldo upped his voice to sound more feminine.  
‘NO!’ a voice from outside shouted. Before Waldo could respond, a large bearded man burst in. They stared at each other for a moment. Half in anger half in confusion. Before it got any more awkward the man rushed towards Waldo planting a passionate kiss on his lips. Waldo did not protest. It had been so long. 

After what seemed like an hour, the man withdrew from Waldo. Waldo was a little disappointed, but was content.  
‘It has been a long time,’ the man said.  
‘Magnus! I have missed you so much, my boy!’Waldo replied. His wig was half off now. ‘Let me fix that for you,’ Magnus frowned.  
‘Leave it!’ Waldo snapped, ‘You know me. What brings you here my boy?’  
‘A dark one.’  
‘Oh… Here I thought you just came to visit your poor old mother.’  
‘Ummph. This dark one is important. He is very powerful and very stupid.’  
‘They all are sweety. Care for some cake?’  
‘What? No, mother. I do not have time! I know the dark one was here recently.’  
‘There’s about a billion of them. Myself included, so you gotta be more specific.’  
‘Eh. Maybe. Sanzo I believe he is called.’  
‘Sunny? Ah shit.’  
‘He goes by Sunny now?’  
‘Ya. What’s his dumb ass done now?’  
‘We believe he is working with Pilgrim to destroy everything.’  
‘Ah shit. This is an epic screw up.’  
‘You’re telling me!’  
‘Nah, see, Sunny is a sweetheart. He’s gone to Pilgrim to get help for his son. I warned him against Pilgrim. Hell I even gave him a map of penises, but you’re telling me he managed to make it to Pilgrim?’  
‘It would appear so, mother.’  
‘Fuck. Right… Shit… Eh??’  
‘Where is Pilgrim?’  
‘Hang on. Here’s the map I gave Sunny.’  
‘Okay… Why all the penises??’  
‘You know why!!’  
‘Yes. Yes. You are ‘Waldo’ now.’  
‘I prefer Ankaldo actually!’  
‘Whatever. You broke father’s heart with all this nonsense!’  
‘You broke my heart when you joined those Black Lotus nutters! We could all be back in Azra by now!’  
‘Don’t get me started!! Wtf were you doing with Quinn all those years??’  
‘Where was I going to go?? The Master kicked me out remember?? Look. Sunny is a good boy. Go easy on him. He doesn’t use the gift. If Pilgrim unlocked it, which I doubt his dumbass can, Sunny’s new to it. I doubt Sunny even wants that shit in his life. I kept him in the dark about it all all his life. I made sure I was the one to pick him up at the river. Kept you assholes away from him.’  
‘How do you know him so well?’  
‘Sunny? I raised him. I was able to shield him from your darkones detector. He is like a son to me. Better than my actual fucking sons!!’  
‘Hey! Fuck you, mother/Ankara/Waldo/Ankaldo!!’  
‘Well, sunshine you ain’t shit now are you? You’re only here because you think I’m going to help your sorry ass. Don’t get me started on Quinn! First he kills his father, then he refuses to acknowledge me. Ankara! His own mother! It was only when I became Waldo that he respected me. Then he went and disrespected me further by marrying Lydia, daughter of the guy that helped to get me kicked out of the monastery in the first place! To add further insult, he made Ryder! WHO THE FUCK GIVES SOMEONE A GRANDSON LIKE THAT?? WHO THE FUCK!!??? Then I save Ryder’s sorry ass, and get my own ass stuck in a wheelchair. Annnnd what thanks do I get?? Fucking pigeon shit! So fuck you and your fucking brother!’  
‘Look, I’m sorry I didn’t visit you. I know I suck, but… I tried to do the right thing… I tried.’  
‘The hell you did!’  
‘How much does Sunny mean to you?’ Magnus headed towards the door.  
‘The world. He’s my sunshine.’  
‘I’m sorry.’  
‘Why?’  
‘My orders are to kill him.’

…

(Present day)

After some spying, Pilgrim discovered the location of several 'sleeping' darklings. Before long, he was at the monastery. The Master did her best to fight him off, but her abbots were too weak to fight. His farts knocked them out before they could even strike. The truth of the matter was, Master did not give a damn about the sleepers. She foresaw the death of them all. With that, she made the decision to let Pilgrim 'kill' her. That way she could wander the inbetween worlds in peace, away from the insanity of the Badlands. Upon her death, Pilgrim declared himself a great champion of his people. The Master, however, soon discovered she was not along in the inbetween world. Ryder found her and urged to hide with him. At first, the Master thought he was just being a creep like his dad, but soon she heard the spine chilling whine... M. K. 

....

Sunny was chained up weirdly in a Black Lotus prison. Several Black Lotus guards surrounded him. He straightened up best he could.  
‘I told you I don’t know how to unlock the gift. I’ve never fucking used it!’ he screamed at one of the guards. He was beaten once more.  
‘ARrgh!! Where is Kannin?? Where is my sister??’ Sunny cried.  
‘She’s busy… I sent her on another mission,’ a man appeared from the shadows.  
‘Who are you??’  
‘Hmm. I believe you worked for my brother for several years…’ an evil grin shone through the darkness.  
‘What? Your… your… face… Its like… Quinn!’  
‘Yes, dear boy, my name is Magnus,’ the man held Sunny’s sword up to Sunny’s throat.  
‘I didn’t know he had a brother… he…’  
‘Shhhh… This sword belongs to ‘waldo’ correct?’  
‘Yee… Yes. You know him?’  
‘You could say that… Hmm. It is beautifully poetic.’  
‘I don’t understand.’  
‘People like you are the reason my family is so fucked up.’  
‘I’m here because I killed Quinn? Is this what this whole thing is about???’  
‘Hahaha! By the gods you are stupid. Quinn is very much alive ‘sunshine’ ha!’  
‘WHAT??’  
‘Don’t worry. This sword will be your end,’ Magnus roared. Sunny screamed.


	7. The Curse of the Red Pain

The Curse of the Red Pain

It has been just a few hours since Sunny escaped from Magnus's hands. Magnus had the room trapped and ready to be used by him and Sunny's sister, trying to go all pegged and human centipede with Sunny. But this was frustrated by the bad memories of Kannin.  
Magnus has just left his lair to catch the fugitives, meanwhile some of the people left where doing a wager to kill some time.  
"I bet Kannin betrays. 10 bars of broccoli to it"  
"No way, did you not see her going all big sis with him? "  
"It does not matter. She is obviously transformed by Magnus she is going to go all incestuous with his brother, and live with him at the beach with a child".  
"You know he is a man, don't you?"  
"Mysteries of the gift, my friend, mysteries of the gift".

(Meanwhile in the fort...)  
The baron of Waffles and Icecream had successfully kidnapped M.K.s body, but getting rid of it was a difficult task. He has been hiding for in the forest close to Lydia's stronghold, but now with the attack of Pilgrim in his attempted to find that maggot filled cadaver, crossing the badlands had become more dangerous. Icecream needed to prepare a plan to get rid of the body.  
In the meantime, Cressida, when astray during the night, was captured by Moon, and was held prisoner, but this was a big mistake. But they have got rid of Chau, and replaced her with Gaius, after the fashion show they held which Gaius won, just because Chau slipped with the stilettos and lost the show. After obtaining the support of the clippers, he returns triumphantly riding a horse and wearing fantastic heels and no shirt as usual. The Widow could not stand the sight and went to puke.

(In a close forest...)

Tonnacain was finishing the last grave, after all the bloodshed that happened in the abbots' monastery, now without the guidance from Tarbh, he had the option of follow the path laid for him, or simply retire to a beach house in Palm Springs, but his daydreaming was interrupted when a voice he could recognize very clearly called his name.  
"Tonnacain now is the time for you to fulfil the task I could not."  
In his surprise, he released some of the essence of the bonnacon.  
"For f*ck sake, it smells as horrible as when I was alive," she covered her face with her sleeve.  
The ghost Master was being choked by the pungent aroma of Tonnacain.  
"Master! I thought you were dead!"  
"For the glory of the Bonnacon, I am not limited to the land of the living, but can transcend life and death itself. And also, I could not endure Ghost Ryder anymore, he was crying all the time about his mom."  
"But the monastery is gone, Master Tarbh is dead, Pilgrim now leads your army and the lost children of Bonnacon, and we lost M.K.'s body!"  
"Do not fear, we can save it yet. Now follow me."  
They headed towards the location where the first battle was going to happen.

(Pilgrims camp)

"Where is Cressida! I need my sponge bath now!! "  
Pilgrim addressed some of his new recruits. Seagul was away back defending the castle, and without Cressida he was in need of some touch.  
"You blond guy! Where is she??"  
He addressed him without any clothes, and the poor guy, just had his eyes explode from the horror. The guy next to him was able to close one eye before, and only lost the other one.  
"She was going all Woodstock in the middle of the night and was captured by Moon."  
"What??!! Prepare the forces, we are going to get her back!"

(Back in the forth...)

Everyone was preparing for the arrival of Pilgrim, but were dumping gasoline into the ground, at the front of the gates, they were also preparing a bomb.  
Tonnacain was close to them but still hidden. While sneaking the bumped into the lord of Ice Cream, and ghost Master appeared.  
"This is perfect. We have the opportunity to get rid of the body now."  
Ghost Master explained her plan  
"Hid the body inside one of the cannisters full of gasoline, and the explosion will send it to kingdom come."  
They did precisely that, and left to a safety distance. But inside the building something was happening. In Cressida's room a turmoil could be heard. What no one new is that she went all crazy because it was that time, and she needed to stay clean, but no one gave her any products, and therefore, horror happened. From the window a flood of red reached the skies which transformed into red droplets which pour down to earth.  
Hours later pilgrim attacked.  
The stench was insupportable. People were falling down not even with giving a first punch. Pilgrim went into a rage and the widow blew up the gate when everyone approached. From this, a missile in flames flew through the skies falling onto Pilgrim's feet. It was the limbless charred body of M.K. Now completely useless, and even if Pilgrim bring him back to life, it would be just a piece of junk. This enraged Pilgrim.

After her show of power, Cressida was locked up, with some products to control her flood now. Lydia decided she was a danger and decided to get rid of her.  
"This is your last stop witch. I will get rid of you and finally go away and get a little moon some crazy fun."  
"That is what you think. In other time, you would have the upper hand, but now..."  
Cressida took off her product and in that moment her eyes went totally red. Lydia felt terror, but it was too late. She used her just disposed hygiene product and stuck in in Lydia's mouth. It did not take a single second before the whole disgusting even gave her a heart attack that her guts exploded.

Meanwhile back in the fight front. Pilgrim was carrying M.K.'s left overs, and from the distance the baron of Ice Cream smiled.


	8. Requiem for Sunny's Intelligence

Requiem for Sunny’s Intelligence

A lot had happened since Bajie rescued Sunny from Magnus. Now that Bajie had convinced Sunny not to trust Kannin and to head back to the Badlands, the two of them had alone time once again. This was something Bajie had missed deeply. He loved Sunny. Sunny, however, suddenly felt uncomfortable again. Between Kannin, Ankaldo, and the Master unlocking parts of his memories, he remembered his time as River King’s doll and how Bajie was a regular customer. Sunny stopped walking up hill, stared, snarled, and thought of killing Bajie. The plan was to get back to Henry, then try find Kannin and run away for good. Bajie noticed the footsteps behind him had stopped.  
‘What’s wrong Sunny boy?’ Bajie asked.  
‘Nothing…’ Sunny replied.  
‘Oh come on! You know she was going to screw you over!’  
‘It’s not her… It’s…’  
‘What? Henry?’  
‘Eh…’  
‘Ya, look. I know this world is shit. Fuck! I lost my son. That Bastard Pilgrim killed him.’  
‘Wait… your son?’  
‘Ya…’  
‘As in M. K.??!’Sunny grabbed Bajie.  
‘Ya, I guess in all the madness you didn’t know. The Black Lotus had you for months in our version of the story. You missed a lot of action.’  
‘FUCK!! Shit. I mean, M.K. was an asshole. The whole Pilgrim thing is his fault. If he never appeared, I would never have know about Azra, never tried to leave Quinn, never met you… But still… I…’  
‘Ya, he was my little arsehole. ’  
‘I’m sorry, Bajie.’  
‘It’s alright… I’ll get over it.’  
‘What else did I miss??’

(At Pilgrim’s Fortress)

Cressida was performing her mad prophesying rituals as usual. Seagull watched on. He was tied up in the corner. He was hungry. Cressida spurting blood everywhere was not helping matters. Cressida shook. Her visions transplanted her somewhere different. She was afraid. She started to cry blood. Seagull’s fangs appeared. Cressida gasped and snapped back to reality.  
‘What??’ she screamed, ‘THAT BASTARD!!! He thinks he can kill me like that??!! I made him what he is!!’ Cressida stood up and ran out of the room.  
Seagull managed to convince a darkling to come to him using his vampire hypnosis. He bit the darkling’s neck and fed. The darkling’s eyes turned black, but Seagull snapped his neck, ‘You darklings whine too much.’ Gaining strength, he broke free of his chains.

Seagull creeped out the doorway slowly. Pilgrim had a gathering of his darklings and his dumbass followers all gathered at the bottom of the stairs. He was attending to the wounded and the whiners after the failed assaulted on Widow’s forces. Seagull peered over the banister. He smelt something horrendous. He assumed it was Pilgrim, but then realised it was not fresh. It was then he saw Cressida at the other side of the balcony. She was bashing up Pilgrim’s shit containers and his special chair.  
‘Let’s see how your people react to this!!’ she cried triumphantly. The Bonnacon shit spilled over and through the balcony’s pillars landing on the unsuspecting victims below. The darklings screamed. Pilgrim looked up in confusion. The acid shit from above burned the faces of many followers. They tried to flee. It was too late. Out of fear, Pilgrim loosed his own bowels, unleashing the power of the Bonnacon, adding to the torment of his people.  
‘NO!!!!’ he cried out, ‘MY PEOPLE!’ he knelt in the sea of his own shit and dead followers. Cressida found a rope and escaped through the window Pilgrim had smashed up before. 

(Widow’s hideout)

‘Are you okay?’ Tilda asked.  
‘Ya, it’s morning sickness… Fucking witch was right,’ Widow vomited some more.  
‘Are you going to tell Gaius?’  
‘What?’ Widow looked up, ‘Why does everyone keep telling me to tell Gaius??’  
‘Because he has a right to know, I mean he is the father.’  
‘HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,’ Widow fell over laughing, ‘that is the funniest thing I have ever heard.’  
‘I don’t understand… You spent the night with him… I?’  
‘Oh, Tilda, Gaius does not have a penis.’  
‘Wait? What?’  
‘He is part of the genderless Azra people… It’s complicated.’  
‘What?? Like M.K.?’  
‘Yes. Em… Pilgrim is the father… I think.’  
‘Isn’t that kind of scary though? The kid could properly kill you…’  
‘I know… But you assume Bajie isn’t the dad… Time will tell.’  
‘Eww,’ Tilda turned as the thought of naked men entered her head.

(Pilgrim’s Fortress)

Kannin found her way to Pilgrim’s fortress. It was quiet. There were no guards around. She knocked on the door. There was no answer. There was, however, a horrendous smell. ‘Fuck!’ she covered her mouth and forced the great doors open. She jumped just in time to avoid getting her feet burned by the tar like substance oozing out. ‘Gross.’ 

The arrival of fresh air woke the survivors of Cressida’s trap. Pilgrim stumbled out in pain, followed by a dozen of his people.  
‘Kannin!! My love!’ Pilgrim rushed to kiss her.  
‘Eww, not until you wash!’ she moved out the way. He fell over.  
‘Everything is turning to shit!!’ he cried, combing his hands through the dirt, ‘It is all shit!!!’  
‘Of for fuck sake! It is true. You stole the dark gift,’ Kannin sighed, 'Now you have succumbed to the whininess too. This is what happens without proper training.'

Pilgrim clean himself up. Once he no longer smelled bad, he sat by the lake with Kannin and had s proper chat.   
'What are we going to do?' Pilgrim cried.  
'The Bonnacon screwed you over. I'm sorry. I didn't know my brother mated with their kind. I have a plan.'  
'What kind of plan??'  
'We get the baby back and transfer the gift back to him.'  
'How? Sunny won't agree to it. He hates me.'  
'Sunny is an idiot. Leave it to me. I will maniplate him further. This will not fail. We have come too far my love.'   
'Words are fine but, do nothing...'  
'You forget. Once I unlock him, I control him. His ass is ours.'  
'You are so beautiful.'  
'I promise you. By the week's end , Sunny will be dead or our slave, the bonnacon will be vanquished and the Badlands will be ours.' 

(At Widow's place)

'Sunny, that is the stupidest plan I've ever heard!!' Widow snapped.  
'You got a better one? Lydia is dead, Moon ran off, sexy Gaius won't stop looking at himself in the mirror, bajie sucks. Fuck! Nix is going to get herself killed soon. Tilda too (spoilers sorry) You think we can defeat Pilgrim like this??'   
Widow and Bajie paused with their heads held in shame.  
'Sunny's plan is best,' Magnus interupted.  
'Of course you'd fucking say that, you sexy bastard. It means pilgrim dies and Sunny dies!' Widow growled.  
'Two birds and all that,' Magnus grinned.

(Outside the grounds)

Sunny ran outside to clear him mind. He suddenly felt dizzy. He fell over.  
'Brother?'a voice in his head said, 'can you hear me?'  
'WTF???' Sunny responded.  
'Come quick! I need your help! Pilgrim captured me!'  
'How am I hearing you???'  
'Just hurry the fuck up!! Bring Henry! Nobody else.'  
'Okay...'

(Seagull's encampment)

Seagull and Quinn got reacquainted all night long. Quinn was a bit distracted.  
'What they gonna do to my precious boy, we can't let it happen...'   
'I know sweety, but remember, they've all forgotten about you.'


	9. The Seventh and Final Strike for Pilgrim Part 1

The Seventh and Final Strike for Pilgrim

 

‘Sunny! Wait for me!!’ Bajie shouted.  
‘Shit,’ Sunny swore under his breath. He had managed to make it just outside the boundary of Widow’s lands. Henry giggled in his arms.  
‘Where are you going?? You think you can take on Pilgrim by yourself? You mad bastard!!’  
‘Look, something has come up, I…,’ Sunny frowned, ‘I have to…’  
‘Sunny!’ Bajie panted and place a hand on Sunny’s shoulder, ‘We’ve talked about this. You are an idiot, Sunny. You can’t make decisions by yourself. You end up getting people killed.’  
‘Ya, but… this is, this is different,’ Sunny was rather insulted.  
‘Why?’  
‘Fine… Look. Pilgrim has Kannin. He’s going to kill her unless I go to him and bring Henry.’  
‘Fuck me, you’re dumb!’  
‘Eww.’  
‘It’s a trap. You have to know that!! I’m surprised you are willing to put Henry in danger like that!!’  
‘You think this is easy for me?? I have to save Kannin!! She’s my family.’  
‘Alright. I understand,’ Bajie backed off.   
‘Thank you.’  
‘I’m sorry I have to do this,’ Bajie sighed.  
‘Do what?’  
‘This!’ Bajie hit Sunny between the eyes knocking him out. Bajie grabbed Henry before Sunny fell. ‘Now, let’s get you two somewhere safe.’

…

It had been two days since Kannin sent the signal to Sunny. He had not turned up. He was not responding to her new messages. She growled. Pilgrim sat sulking by the shore.   
‘You promised!’ he roared at Kannin.  
‘I know! I know. But…’ Kannin replied.  
‘But nothing!! You have failed me!!’ Pilgrim stood up and grabbed her by the neck.   
‘Pillll…gurr…’   
‘Silence!’ his eyes turned black and he dragged her to the chamber.   
‘NO!’ she screamed.  
‘Your powers are useless to me when you refuse to use them!! I will take them for myself!!’ he placed his hand on the centre stone. Kannin was barely conscious. Her gift passed to Pilgrim. In the power surge, Pilgrim stumbled, shuddered, and dropped Kannin. She coughed and eventually struggled to her feet ready to fight Pilgrim. Pilgrim slumped down in the corner, fatigued. The darkness left him. He panted.  
‘Why?’ he asked.  
‘What?’ the now powerless Kannin snapped. She stumbled to her feet.  
‘Why does nobody love me?’ tears came down his cheeks.  
‘What the actual fuck!?’ Kannin laughed.   
‘First Castor, then M.K. screwed up by dying so easy, Sunny hates me, the Bonnacon tricked me, Nix ran away, Cressida ran away, and now you…’   
‘I have no idea who the fuck most of those people are, so…’  
‘Do you love me?’ Pilgrim whimpered.  
‘Eh…’  
‘Ah ha! The Seventh strike! Seven betrayals! I need you to… to tell… me… oh… no. No. not now!! ARGGH,’ the Bonnacon gift flowed through him. Kannin ran for the exit. 

Kannin was tired of creepy men. Even though she could have killed Pilgrim then and there, the gift of the Bonnacon was too strong and lingered too long in the chamber. She decided to go find Magnus and kill him first. She succeeded.

…

‘Hey Cyan!’ Bajie waved to him, ‘I have a package for you!’  
‘Bajie! You’re alive!’ Cyan smiled and ran out of the small hut to greet them.   
‘Ya, it was pretty wild there for awhile. Can you mind Sunny and Henry for me? I don’t want him to run off and be killed by Pilgrim or anything stupid like that.’  
‘Sure. No problem.’  
Bajie plonked Sunny down inside. Cyan found a cot for Henry.   
‘Hey listen!’ Bajie said as he was about to leave, ‘He doesn’t know, but his sister is banging Pilgrim, so if she turns up or tries to contact him…’  
‘I know, I got you. I’ll take care of it,’ Cyan smiled.  
‘Thanks! Oh, and sorry to hear about the Master. She was a total bitch, but, I miss her.’  
‘Ha, ya. I miss Paul too.  Fuck Pilgrim.’  
‘Well, at least she wasn’t killed by someone like M.K. Am I right?! Ha!’ Bajie hit Cyan on the arm.   
‘No, thankfully nothing that ridiculous happened.’ 

…

Pilgrim grew impatient. Everyone he loved had abandoned him. It was time to kill everyone. He went to Widow’s hideout. He found Nix, and killed her. He wanted to kill Cressida, but could not find her. He thought about killing Widow too, but he told his men to retreat for some seemingly unknown reason. Afterall, she was pregnant and he was the dad. He could not screw up the potential to be a father. He was willing to forgive the STD incident and marry her.

Meanwhile, Widow had been busy explaining to Gaius, that he was not the father due to his lack of penis. Tilda was slightly confused. Gaius in his true goddess form was kind of hot. Tilda, though, knew better than to take Widow’s pet for herself. They decided to go blow up Pilgrim’s fortress. 

…

Sunny woke up. ‘FOR FUCK SAKE!’ he yelled and held his face. Being knocked out and waking up in strange places was becoming a hobby for Sunny at this point.   
‘Good morning Chosen One,’ Cyan smiled.   
‘YOU!!’ Sunny roared, ‘You’re alive?!’  
‘Yes. I was on a mission for the Bonnacon when Pilgrim attacked the monastery,’ Cyan lowered his eyes in shame, ‘I was not there to protect my master. That will forever be my shame.’  
‘Whatever dude. I’m not here for a fucking therapy session! I need to leave.’  
‘I would appreciate it if you stopped using foul language in my home. It is most unbecoming of you. I’m under instructions to make you stay here.’  
‘Ya, sure. I’ll sit here quietly.’  
‘Good. Em. Henry has been changed and fed and is still resting.’  
‘Fucking Bajie!!’  
‘No… He is resting! Why would you say that??’  
‘What? Oh shit. Forgot you take things literally. Eh. Look I need to rescue my sister from Pilgrim. He is…’  
‘Shh. Your sister in banging him. Bajie told me she cannot be trusted.’  
‘What?? BASTARDS!! Motherfuckers!!’  
‘It is not polite to talk about mothers like that.’  
‘For fuck sake, Cyan!! Stop being such an uptight ass!’  
‘It is a medical condition!’ Cyan gasped, ‘You are most rude, Chosen One!’  
‘Whatever. Look. I need to know how to use my gift to kill Pilgrim. Can you unlock it? You’re all powerful and undead and all that.’  
‘No. I cannot. Pilgrim is not your concern right now.’  
‘Hmmm,’ Sunny plotted, ‘You’re right…’  
‘Yes.’  
‘Could you check on Henry for me? I need to go take a piss outside.’  
‘Of course!’ 

As Cyan turned to tend to Henry, Sunny ran for it. It took Cyan half an hour to realise that Sunny was not coming back. ‘SON OF A BITCH!’


	10. The Seventh and Final Strike for Pilgrim Part 2

The Seventh and Final Strike for Pilgrim Part 2

Pilgrim was busy at the fortress. The end was coming. He could feel it. Preparations were made. Kannin’s gift gave him new abilities. He could now fully control anyone with the gift. Things were starting to look up. He had amassed a small army of true believers and bestowed the gift to them all. Now all he could do was wait… wait for Sunny to arrive and steal Sunny’s gift or better still, control him, make Sunny do his bidding for eternity. It was going to be glorious. He began to cackle at the thought of his diabolical plan. His followers looked at him with concern. His tummy rumbled. The Bonnacon gift still raged inside him. He swore.

..  
Bajie devised a plan that actually had the potential to work. He went to Cyan to tell Sunny of his genius idea. Inside the hut, he found Cyan feeding and singing to Henry.   
‘Where’s Sunny?’ Bajie asked.  
‘He went to relieve himself yesterday. I have not seen him since. His orders were for me to mind the child,’ Cyan replied.   
‘What?? SHIT! I told you to keep him here!!’  
‘He is the chosen one. His orders are superior to yours.’  
‘For fuck sake, he’s a dumbass. Never listen to his orders!!’ Bajie stormed out, got in his car and headed for Pilgrim’s fortress.

..  
Kannin took charge of Black Lotus. Her feelings for Pilgrim were mixed. He annoyed her since gaining and stealing her gift, but he was still sexy. If he succeeded in killing Sunny, then she needed to be on his good side. It was a dilemma. She gathered the troops and headed for his fortress. She would wait and see which side to join when the time came. 

..  
Sunny tip toed into Pilgrim’s fortress through a large hole in the wall. The hole was the result of Pilgrim’s aggression and frustration at the gift of Bonnacon. Despite the hole, the stench of the room was horrendous. Sunny had never smelled anything like it. He coughed a little and covered his face with his sleeve. It alerted one of the guards. ‘Shit!’ Sunny ran. The darkling caught up with him sending him flying through the hole in the wall and back out into the open once more. Sunny landed face down on Pilgrim’s muddy boots.   
‘Sanzo! How nice of you to come crawling back to me. Where is Henry? I am most keen to see the little boy,’ Pilgrim snarled.   
‘Gaah!’ Sunny stood up and punched Pilgrim in the face.   
‘HMM! That wasn’t very nice!’ Pilgrim grabbed Sunny by the neck and dragged him back inside the fortress.

Kannin and her army appeared on the horizon. Pilgrim peeped out through the hole. He growled at Sunny who was still stuck in Pilgrim’s death grip, ‘I told you to come alone!’  
He flung Sunny to the ground. Sunny had no idea what was happening.   
‘Pilgrim!’ Kannin shouted, ‘Come out and talk to me! We have unfinished business!’  
‘You are such a brave little girl, coming here with an army!’ Pilgrim jeered.  
‘Kannin?’ Sunny whispered, ‘I thought… I thought you two were a thing…’  
‘Hmm,’ Pilgrim looked confused, ‘So you really did come here on your own?? Nevermind. DARKLINGS!! Attack!!’

Kannin had chosen her side in the war. She had no allegiance to Sunny, but decided that Pilgrim’s whining could not be tolerated. She had to kill him for that reason and that reason alone. An epic battle ensued outside the fortress. Sunny stayed inside the fort as he was semi conscious. The Darklings took on the Black Lotus. The Black Lotus had to upper hand. The Darklings were newbies and prone to whining. Pilgrim snarled. This was not part of the plan. Darklings fell dead all around. Kannin and her army surrounded Pilgrim. He was the sole survivor of the assault. Kannin held her sword to his throat. It was all over for Pilgrim.   
‘This ends now, my love!’ Kannin cried out.   
‘We could have been so good together,’ Pilgrim farted and bent over in pain.   
‘Ugh. Look at you! You are so pathetic. The gift made you weak!’  
‘No, Kannin. You have this all wrong. I am stronger than ever. Hmmm. Because I love you, I will give you this one time deal,’ Pilgrim steadied himself.   
‘What?? It’s over. You lost.’  
‘Surrender to me and you will be my Queen. I promise you that.’  
‘Fuck no! You’re my bitch now.’  
‘Suit yourself,’ Pilgrim pushed the sword away from his throat, grabbed the nearest Black Lotus soldier, mumbled something, and his eyes turned black. The soldier, under Pilgrim’s power, grabbed the nearest soldier to him and a chain of soldiers formed. Kannin jumped back. The linked soldiers received the gift from Pilgrim. Two thirds of the Black Lotus were now his.   
‘WHAT THE FUCK??!’ Kannin leaped forward, sword aimed at Pilgrim. He grabbed it, and broke it. ‘Mind control my dear. You really didn’t make good use of your gift at all! Bow to your new Messiah!!’ Pilgrim roared.   
The Black Lotus turned on each other. In the chaos, Pilgrim returned to the half dead Sunny. 

‘Ah, Sanzo, my dearest dumbass. What plans I have for you,’ Pilgrim grinned.  
‘Fuck you!’ Sunny fought back. Swords and fists clashed. It looked like an even match until Pilgrim activated his gift. Sunny struggled on, but got the shit kicked out of him.   
Bajie appeared out of nowhere and hit Pilgrim on the head with an octopus, ‘Hey shitface!’  
‘What the?’ Pilgrim ended a battle with Bajie. Kannin stumbled into the fort to witness the pathetic show inside. She was bloody and injured. It was not long before Kannin was unconscious. Bajie and Sunny fought on. They would not be deterred so easy. Pilgrim grinned. He knew. They knew. It was over. Pilgrim had won. Bajie was out of breath and unable to fight. Pilgrim’s toxic farts had taken their toll on both Sunny and Bajie. Sunny’s eyes were watering. He cried out and with a struggle, ran his sword through Pilgrim. Pilgrim grinned, grabbed Sunny by the neck and chanted something. Sunny felt light headed. His eyes turned gold and he fell back.   
‘The fuck was that??’ Bajie panted.   
‘Kill him,’ Pilgrim ordered.  
‘Yes Master,’ Sunny replied and turned toward Bajie.   
‘WHAT? Sunny?? WTF?’ Bajie shouted.   
‘An oversight on your part, Bajie,’ Pilgrim smiled, ‘You know so much and yet so little. Sanzo is mine now. He will do my bidding. Won’t you Sanzo?!’  
‘Yes, Master,’ Sunny sobbed, ‘I’m sorry,’ as he stumbled towards Bajie. Bajie blocked Sunny’s weak attacks.  
‘Sunny! Look! You have your gift! Fight him!’Bajie pleaded  
‘Kill me!’ Sunny grunted, ‘I can’t be his slave!! HELP!’  
‘No!! Fight it!! Think of Henry!!’

The shouts from the battle outside ceased. Pilgrim’s new army had won. The plan was going beautifully. He smirked and let of more than a fart. Normally he was embarrassed by such things, but not today. Today it was the smell of victory.


	11. An Enemy is Anyone An Armadillo Names

There was a sudden bang. It startled Pilgrim. Smoke appeared though the hole in the wall. Two Black Lotus soldiers now under Pilgrim’s mind control emerged. They were coughing and in a panic.  
‘Master!!’   
‘What???’ Pilgrim was annoyed. Sunny fell over. A distracted Pilgrim left Sunny like a ragdoll.  
Unexpectedly, a sword appeared through the chest of one of the Black Lotus Darklings.   
The head of the other soldier slid off.  
‘WTF??’ Pilgrim frowned.   
‘Miss me? Bitch!’ Castor hopped through the clearing smoke.   
‘CASTOR??!! HOW?’ Pilgrim roared.  
‘Others thought I was still useful to have around. They appreciate me for my true skills, unlike you! You threw me away like garbage! I loved you!’  
‘What does that even mean?? It had to be done! You were a weakling! How are you alive??’  
‘Fuck you!!,’ Castor walked towards Pilgrim, ‘The Master found my corpse. She took me to Seagull, he resurrected me, and now I work for someone else… Someone much more interesting than you.’  
‘How dare you!! I am your messiah!’  
‘Fuck no. You are a poor imitation of my new boss. If he had your gift, the Badlands would be a much funnier place. You’re just a selfish ego maniac who wants to destroy everything for no reason.’  
‘And who is this boss you speak of??’   
‘You’ll find out soon enough,’ Castor’s eyes turned black, his fangs sprouted, and he bit into Pilgrim’s neck. Pilgrim grimaced. He had not expected that. He tried to shake him off, but failed. Castor was fully locked onto Pilgrim’s neck. Bajie started to laugh at the spectacle. Eli popped out from wherever he was hiding and tried to pull Castor off. In the commotion, Pilgrim unleashed the gift of the Bonnacon. Eli quickly withdrew and covered his face. He did not know it, but he was one of the lost children of the Bonnacon. Their gift could not kill him. Castor was not so lucky. He inhaled the poisonous fumes and fell to the ground. His body twitched a little then became still. Pilgrim panted, held his wounded neck and screamed, ‘What the actual fuck was that??’  
‘Some entertainment, finally!’ Bajie laughed, bracing himself against the wall.   
‘Silence!’ Pilgrim turned to focus on Sunny once more, ‘Sanzo! Arise and kill Bajie. Now!’  
A weary Sunny rose and flung a dagger at Bajie. It lodged in Bajie’s shoulder, ‘OWWW, Sunny!! Stop!!’  
Eli took his place by his master’s side. His sword was ready if Sunny did not comply. Kannin was still unconscious. 

…  
Tilda, Widow, and Gaius hopped into the chamber. They were shocked at how easy it had been to get there. When they arrived, they were met with a sea of dead bodies belonging to both Pilgrim’s army and Black Lotus. They had no idea what had happened, but decided to go ahead with their plans anyway. Pilgrim was not around. He could have been dead, but it was best to blow up the chamber anyway, just to be sure. They set the explosives. 

…  
‘I’m so sorry, Bajie, I’m sorry,’ Sunny cried. Tears came down his face.  
‘Do not hesitate, Sanzo, finish this now! I grow bored of him!’ Pilgrim ordered.   
Bajie fought off Sunny. Thankfully, Sunny was so weak at this point. Otherwise, Bajie would have died half an hour ago. Pilgrim rolled his eyes and sent more force on Sunny. Sunny held Bajie by the neck against the wall and began choking him. Pilgrim grinned. So did Eli. Pilgrim took a deep breath. Mind control was exhausting. He needed more power to push Sunny to kill Bajie. Pilgrim closed his eyes and concentrated. His listened to the air flow in and out through his nostrils. The idea of complete control over Sunny excited him. Eli noticed it and moved slightly away from Pilgrim.   
‘Kill him!!’ Pilgrim finally opened his eyes, just in time to see the head of another Darkling slide towards his feet. ‘What?? Where did this come from??’ The intrusion made Pilgrim pause. Sunny released Bajie once more and fell. 

‘WEEEEEEELLL NOWW. What in the hells do we have here?’ a voice from the balcony said joyfully.   
Pilgrim recognised the voice. ‘No! How could it be??!’  
‘Humpf. This here establishment could do with a little redecoration. All the dust, cobwebs, blood… and… WOOOOO. Whata stench!!’   
‘How dare you mock me!!’ Pilgrim growled towards the stairs.  
‘I’ll mock whoeva I want, sweety. You ain’t ma messiah, you’re a very, well you know the line,’ fangs appeared from the darkness.   
‘Be gone, fiend! I have no quarrel with you!’  
‘Well, now, let’s see,’ Quinn jumped down into the room. His vampire army followed and surrounded Pilgrim and Eli. Pilgrim grew nervous. Bajie smiled. Sunny wanted to turn and see what was happening but was unable. ‘Quinn?’ he whispered, ‘How??’  
‘LEAVE AT ONCE!!’ Pilgrim roared and Quinn.  
‘I think I’ll stay a little longer. I can just ’bout endure your stench,’ Quinn mocked.  
‘This is not your fight!!’  
‘Oh I beg to differ,’ Quinn creeped up on Pilgrim and grinned manically at him, looking at the wound on his neck. He spotted Castor on the ground and glanced at Sunny.  
‘Do not test me!!’ Pilgrim created space between himself and Quinn.  
‘You see, Pilgrim, your royal shitlordness, hehe, once you fucked with ma dearest Sunny baby over there, you fucked with me. Hehe, you see, Sunny is like a son to me. He is like a brother, a friend, a lover…, the one I trusted more than anyone in this world until that little fucker M.K. appeared and filled his minded with silly notions of… of Azra. Not only that, to make things worse for yourself, you went and killed ma new pet too.’  
‘Do not make an enemy of me! I will destroy you!’  
‘Hmm, I can see that happening, honey. Where is your army?’  
‘Sunny is mine!! Attack him!’   
‘Yes Master,’ Sunny rose up and charged at Quinn. Quinn’s vampire reflexes were too fast for a tired and injured Sunny. He grabbed and held Sunny in a bear hug.   
‘Sunny Baby, I’m sorry for how I behaved. Can you forgive me? Come home. We’ll start ova. Promise I’ll be betta.’  
Sunny’s mind was lost in a state of confusion. He looked into the eyes of the man who had raised him. The man he considered a father. The man who made him the killer he was. Yet, his real father was no better. Pilgrim snarled at the family reunion. Sunny fell to the ground. This mind control thing wasn’t working as well as expected.   
‘You got a bit of erectile dysfunction, pilgrim, honey? It’s nothing to be embarrassed ’bout really,’ Quinn mocked.   
‘I am merely offering you one final chance to leave,’ Pilgrim bit back.  
‘I’m not leaving without ma precious Sunny here. He’s the only family I have left. You wouldn’t understand that though would you? You killed your own. I mean I killed ma whiney backstabbing bastard son, but Castor? Castor worshipped you. And you killed him not once, but twice!’ Quinn motioned to Castor’s body.   
‘What? Shut up! What do you know of Castor??’  
‘He belonged to me. I took him in when you abandoned him. He was an injured little flower, in need of love and attention and…Hmmm… It seems I have a habit of taking in strays… He had quite the tight little ass. Not as tight as Sunny here, but still satisfied my needs,’ Quinn’s fangs emerged. The thought of Sunny’s ass made a bulge appear in his and Bajie’s pants. 

Quinn dropped Sunny and charged at Pilgrim. Pilgrim, though bleeding, deflected. With his dark gift, he struck Quinn on the head. Quinn stumbled and fell over. Quinn’s men were ready to attack when Pilgrim hit them all with a wall of fart chi. They fell. Pilgrim strolled over to Quinn, picked up Sunny’s broken sword and stood over Quinn. Quinn had not expected this. The last time they met, Pilgrim was a weak mess. It was time for a new strategy.

‘You know, I heard it said once that “He who controls the shit, controls the Badlands”. I did not understand it at the time,’ Pilgrim knelt down, grabbed Quinn’s head and pulled it up to the blade, ‘But I do now. The Bonnacon near ruined me, but they failed. With the help of Kannin’s gift, I now control their gift now. I CONTROL THE SHIT! I CONTROL THE BADLANDS!’  
‘Hehehehoooo,’ Quinn giggled defiantly, ‘Honey! You know exactly shit! You see, sweety…’  
‘ENOUGH!’ Pilgrim punched Quinn, ‘Sunny! Kill Bajie, then kill this mess of a thing called Quinn!’  
‘Yes Master.’ Sunny turned towards Bajie once more.   
‘Sunny no!!’ Bajie cried out. 

‘RAAAA,’ Sunny was half way through a powerful punch when he froze. It was a familiar feeling but, he could not quite remember where he felt it before. It was sort of relaxing.   
‘I said kill him!!’ Pilgrim grew angry and ran towards Sunny. Sunny could not ever blink.   
Pilgrim examined Sunny, ‘Hmm. Maybe I over did it. I release you from my hold.’   
Sunny did not move an inch.   
‘WTF?’ Pilgrim grumbled, ‘I said I release you!!!’   
The next thing Pilgrim remembered was being punched in the face.  
‘GAAHH!’  
‘Shhhh, sweety, its gonna be allllll right,’ Quinn smiled and grabbed Pilgrim.   
‘What?’  
‘You use your mind control, but Sunny and I have a real connection. See?’ Quinn held out his voodoo type doll, ‘You think you own Sunny’s ass, whereas I do and always have owned it.’  
‘This is not possible!’ Pilgrim shoved Quinn off him and stood back.   
‘It was mighty kind of you to release my sweet Sunny from your control too. I’ll do the same.’  
With that Sunny turned and ran Pilgrim through with the dagger that Bajie had passed to him in the confusion. However, Pilgrim still had Sunny’s broken sword and stabbed Sunny in the heart simultaneously. They both collapsed, dead. 

…  
Meanwhile Widow, Tilda and Gaius, out of boredom, decided to blow up all of Pilgrim’s fortress. They were unaware of the events unfolding inside. Tilda pressed the button just as their truck was driving away. Inside Sunny and Pilgrim collapsed. ‘NOOO!!’ Quinn shouted and rushed to Sunny’s body. The Chamber exploded. Kannin woke up, confused. However, the fortress began to shake too. ‘What?? SHIT! Everyone out!!’ Quinn roared. Eli and what was left of Quinn’s army, scrambled through the hole in the wall before the building collapsed. Kannin and Bajie grabbed Sunny’s corpse and escaped through another exit. 

…

The next day Quinn returned to the rubble to search for Sunny’s corpse. Eli had decided that with Pilgrim gone, Quinn was as good a master as any. Together, they began to remove rocks from the now flattened fortress. Quinn found Pilgrim’s corpse. It’s smelled particularly bad. The Bonnacon gift was released in full upon his death. Quinn snarled a little, but took it as a good sign. If he had Pilgrim, Sunny’s body had to be near. After another hour of searching, there was still no sign of him. Eli, meanwhile had grown bored and started to wonder off. He stood in the ruins of the chamber. Quinn followed after. Eli saw something in the mud. It was shiny. He picked it up. It was a gun, but Eli had never seen one before. He instinctively placed his finger on the trigger and looked in the barrel of the gun. ‘NO!!’ Quinn rushed and slapped the gun out of his hands, ‘Don’t do that, idiot! That thing is ancient. Do not touch it. It’ll sooner explode in your face, than your enemies’.’  
‘What is it?’ Eli asked.  
‘It’s called a gun. They used them back in the day.’  
‘Why did they stop?’  
‘Because they are the weapons of the weak and cowardly.’  
‘I don’t understand…’  
‘Ask yourself boy, would you rather be run through with a sword and stare your killer right in the eye, maybe gouge out his eyes before you take your last breath, or be taken out by someone in the distance, someone too scared to even come close to you?’  
‘Eh?’  
‘Ya, you think about that one.’

…  
Sunny was buried and spent the next few years learning things from the Master. Bajie and Kannin got married and raised Henry as their own. Widow gave birth to a girl. Gaius raised her as his own. Tilda took over the rice growing industry, leaving her violent past behind. Eli went on to become Quinn’s second in command. Quinn and Widow came to an arrangement. Quinn would rule a small portion of the Badlands as he chose with a lifetime supply of goods from the Baron of Icecream. The rest, however, was off limits. In reality, he lived in a small commune of about 50 men. Seagull grew bored of Quinn and left with the vampire army. The Badlands were at peace. 

…  
-In a mansion somewhere outside the Badlands-  
‘We await your orders, Baron,’ a clipper said.   
‘Are the troops ready?’ a man asked.  
‘Yes baron.’  
‘And the shipment of guns?’  
‘Yes, baron. And sufficient ammunition.’   
‘Excellent.’  
‘Yes, Baron.’  
‘Looks like it’s time to go home boys!’ Baron Waldo grinned.


End file.
